How to Build Self Esteem
Self esteem can be described as the sum total of self confidence and self respect. When you have high self esteem, you feel confident about who you are and generally live life to the fullest.
People who suffer from low self esteem often have from feelings of shame, guilt, and self doubt. Consequently, they often spend much of their time afraid, anxious and sad.
How to Build Your Self Esteem
1. Daily Affirmations
If you're old enough to remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, you may remember the phrase "I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggone it people like me!"
This phrase may have generated a lot of laughs in the 90's but it really is an example of a useful affirmation.
Try this. Every morning when you get up, stand in the mirror and say 5 things you like about yourself. It can be anything from "I like my smile" to "I am good at making people laugh."
Do this every morning before you start your day. The effects from this exercise over time can be amazing.
2. Keep a Journal
Before you go to bed at night, right down 10 things that you accomplished today. Don't worry if the accomplishments are small. The point is you are praising good things about yourself and it forces you to focus on the positive things about you.
Read my article on keeping a gratitude journal.
3. Surround Yourself With Positive People
Look at the company you keep. Are they generally positive people or do they bring you down? It's hard, but sometimes you have to cut people out of your life that bring you down. When you're on a quest to learn to love yourself, it's important you spend time with people that are fun, positive and uplifting.
4. Face Your Fears
We all have at least one thing we've always wanted to try but perhaps we were afraid to try it. Write down a list of things you've always wanted to do. Pick the one that's most important and go for it. You will feel so proud of yourself for taking on a challenge you've always feared.
5. Feed Your Brain
Get a copy of How to Raise Your Self Esteem and Honoring The Self by Nathaniel Brandon.
I own both of these and they are very insightful books with great advice. They are both easy reads and "How to Raise Your Self Esteem" contains exercises that help you break free of the negative self-concepts and conquer you anger, depression and anxiety.
6. Learn a New Skill
When you learn how to do something new, it helps build your self esteem. Ever wanted to learn how to dance? Take a salsa class. Thought about learning a foreign language? Take a Spanish class. Not only will you meet new people but it will help you feel good about yourself.
7. Remember to Reward and Compliment Yourself
I was notorious for always criticizing myself for things I didn't or couldn't do. If I had only put half as much emphasize on praising myself for my accomplishments as I did tearing myself down, it would have made a world of difference.
There's nothing wrong with saying "Good job" to yourself after you've completed a task. When you do this on a regular basis you begin to appreciate yourself. It may feel weird at first, but keep at it and you'll notice a positive change over time.
8. Pay Attention to Your Self Talk
We talk to ourselves all the time. People with low self esteem don't usually have good things to say, however. They may say things like "I always make mistakes" or "I am so stupid." When you do this enough, you start to believe it.
We all make mistakes. That's a part of life. The issue is not the mistakes you make, it's what you say to yourself afterwards. If you make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up about it, try changing your self talk and say something like, "Oh well. I didn't quite make it this time. That's OK, at least I tried and I've learned a valuable lesson."
9. Remember it Takes TIME!
The biggest mistake people make is try these techniques once or twice and then give up. You won't see results that fast. Remember, you've probably had this habit your whole life so it's going to take some time and dedication to break it.
The key is that you will begin to notice small changes here and there and as time goes on, you'll get better and better at loving yourself.