Teens & Depression
For Parents...
If you're a parent reading this, I encourage you to pay attention to your kids and teens. If you suspect they are depressed, do your best to communicate with them and let them know you are here for them.
I was a depressed teen but my parents never realized it. I stayed in my room almost all the time with the door closed and I had very little interaction with my friends.
They thought it was because I liked being alone as an only child, but I was really depressed and hated being around my peers.
If you notice your child is withdrawn from the world and doesn't want to interact with others on a regular basis then I encourage you to talk to them.
Unfortunately I didn't realize I was suffering from depression so I didn't know how to express it.
As a result, I carried it with me through elementary, junior high, high school, college, and even into my adult life. I didn't realize that I was depressed until I was in my mid 20's. All those years I thought I was just shy or liked being alone.
Note: Kids are moody so if your child has one bad day that doesn't mean they are suffering from depression. But if they spend days upon days alone and seem sad most of the time then something is probably going on. You need to talk to them.
For Kids and Teens Who Are Teased...
My childhood sucked. :) I was insecure and teased all the time. So of course when kids said mean things to me, I believed everything they told me.
I was "ugly", "dressed poorly" - almost anything they said I believed. It made me depressed and I hated being around people.
If you're a kid or teen reading this and you're suffering from depression due to being teased or isolated by your friends, I have some advice for you. I wish someone could have been around to tell me these things...
1) People that put you down or tease you are really unhappy with themselves. It's easy to think that they have the power and yes, they may even seem popular.
You may even envy them. However, deep down there is some deep, deep sadness going on with these kids. They tease you because it makes them feel better about themselves. They are weak.
2) People that tease are often jealous. It was hard for me to believe that as a kid because when you have low self esteem, you don't think anyone can be jealous of you. Trust me, that's often the case.
3) The pain you're going through now will only make you stronger. When you're young, you don't see how that's possible because all you want to do is fit in and be liked. It will get better trust me.
4) Bullies look for people with low self esteem. Ever wonder why bullies picked you as their victim? They can tell you don't feel good about yourself. They look for the weakest people because they know they can get under your skin and affect you.
The next time someone says something mean to you, shock the hell out of them and laugh right back and say "Ha ha ha ha! You are so right about everything you said about me." They won't know what hit them and this won't be the response they expect.
5) What you need to understand is that it's not the teasing that is harmful, it's the fact that you really believe what people say about you. If you really didn't think you were what other people said about you then their comments wouldn't affect you.
You've got to learn to love yourself and since you're young, it's much easier to learn that now then it is when you get older. I was in my 20's when I realized my self hatred and it's much harder to rebound at an older age than it is when you're still young.
Steps For Kids and Teens to Fight Depression
Keep a Journal
A 15 year old girl was teased because of her weight and she sent me an email asking for advice. I told her to start keeping a journal and write down 10 things she liked about herself every night.
She emailed me back about a month later in tears because the journal made her start appreciating who she was. She still wanted to lose the weight to be healthy, but she said she didn't let the weight define who she was, nor did she let the teasing get to her as much.
When you write down things you like about yourself, it causes you to focus on the good instead of the bad. When you do this often enough, you start drilling those positive thoughts into your brain. Eventually you start feeling better about yourself.
Choose the Right Friends
Every kid or teen wants to be popular and fit in so sometimes it's hard to choose the right crowd to hang with. Just remember, you are a reflection of the company that you keep. If the people you call "friends" are always getting into trouble and doing things you know aren't right, ask yourself if this is the kind of people you want to be associated with.
The kids doing right may not always be the most popular crowd in school, but I can guarantee you that they are the happier bunch and will make better friends.
Talk to Someone
One way to relieve the feeling of depression is to talk to someone about it. If you don't feel you can talk to a parent, try another relative you trust, a good friend, or even a school counselor. Just expressing your feelings to another person can make you feel ten times better. They may even have some solutions for you.
Find a Hobby
We all have something we love doing, whether it's singing, painting, dancing, playing sports, drawing, bicycling, etc. Doing something you enjoy makes you feel better and it builds confidence because you become better at it the more you do it. It's also a great escape when you have something on your mind that's bothering you.
Pray
Prayer is a powerful thing. I only wish I learned how to pray the right way when I was younger. I used to pray before I ate a meal or before I went to sleep, but I never asked God to help me when I was struggling with depression. God wants to help us with every problem in our life, and he will if we just ask.
If you don't pray, you should start making it a habit everyday...multiple times per day. It's helped me get through a world of trouble and pain.
Ask God to help you fight your battles. Tell him everything that's bothering you and ask for his guidance. Do this regularly and thank him for hearing your prayer. He'll come to your rescue. He may not come immediately, but he will be there for you and never put more on you than you can bear.
Even if you don't believe in God, pray about that too. Tell him your thoughts and doubts. He is not going to abandon you just because you don't believe. He is honored that you are at least making an attempt.
Read Self-Help Books
Go to a book store or local library and check out some self-help books. (If you have a credit card you can buy them online). I didn't start reading self help books until I was in my 20's but they were a great help. I learned a lot about myself and why I felt the way I did as a child. They certainly helped me start out on my road to recovery.
I bought tons of books on self confidence, depression and anxiety from Amazon.com that have helped me tremendously.